Evan Renaerts

Pig’s Ears and Silk Purses

April 17, 2008

The horizon emanates a sharp brightness under a dome of gray sky. A light breeze ruffles branches, setting blossoms in motion as this spring season seems to hang suspended, unable to move forward.

I notice how big a part expectations play in our lives – we expect something to unfold in a certain way, we expect it to turn out well or to turn out badly. By projecting past experiences into future possibilities we become attached to our own idea of how things will be.

What happens when reality turns out to be quite different from what we were expecting?

Plans are similar to expectations in that planners bring their best experience and knowledge to the task of projecting how things will proceed in the future. One very big difference is that you build a great plan and then get ready to see how it will change, and it will change.

Successful planners believe in the thoroughness of their plan and at the same time they are not attached, they have learned that their expectations (the plan) may need to be radically altered in real time to accommodate what is actually happening.

There is an old saying, “You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear,” but that is exactly what we can do if we are able to quickly release expectations and give ourselves to the reality in the moment. The very worst seeming situations can lead to incredible results if we aren’t engaged in a fight with “what is.”

Truly releasing expectations isn’t something we can fake and for most people the ability to let go of their personal preference is a strength that needs to be cultivated. Perhaps the key to letting go is trust – do we trust that if our intentions are honourable, then life will tend to work out for the good?

This kind of trust isn’t always part of our nature. Listen to people as they talk and listen to your own self-talk, what is the predominant tone? You hear it over and over, things like Murphy’s Law – what can go wrong will go wrong. Or you say to yourself, of course it’s all screwed up; nothing ever goes the way it’s supposed to.

Most of us don’t give these kinds of conversations much weight but they are the “tip of the iceberg” and they are indicators of the underlying deep belief systems that guide our lives. Contrary to this is a belief system that says, don’t worry things generally work out for the best. One trusts failure and the other success.

I recently witnessed an example of someone’s detailed plans (and expectations) getting dramatically derailed. Every firmly booked meeting was cancelled; a significant business opportunity fell through and a social calendar was left unexpectedly empty.

In this case the person realized that events outside their control were in play and they went to immediate acceptance. What could have been a frustrating and fruitless week turned into an enjoyable flow of spontaneous meetings and new contacts and a sense of being at peace with life.

So much of leadership development focuses on driving hard and pushing and being determined to have life fall in line with our plans and I wonder where the balance is. I wonder where all of the ancient wisdom of our species is.

It is a human arrogance to believe that we are in control or that we soon will be, and we use every bit of our ingenuity in an attempt to achieve this control – and every day we are shown proof that control is, and will always be, just out of reach.

Sometimes life hands us exactly what we were expecting in the best possible way; we get pure silk. Sometimes life hands us lemons or pig’s ears and it’s up to us to make something wonderful with what we’ve been given.

Evan Renaerts
604 314 0835
evan@evanrenaerts.com

posted by Evan Renaerts at 11:38 AM